by Dr. David Fialkoff, Editor / Publisher

I use the word "friend" guardedly, making a strong distinction between mere acquaintances and friends. I am of the school of Thomas Fuller, who said, "If you have one true friend, you have more than your share."

Facebook goes to the other extreme in defining "Friend." I rarely visit the site. I do check my messages there, just quickly looking to see if there is a red dot at the top right of the page. Months go by without my scrolling down through the posts on the feed. I'm too busy and I already spend far too much time on this computer.

Sometimes, when I'm trying to associate a face with a name, I visit to look someone up. (That must be why they call it Face Book.) I was doing just that early this morning in the cool shade on the back porch, when, returning to my homepage, I noticed (right at the top of my feed, without having to scroll down at all) a disturbing post: "A warm soul with a beautiful heart. I am so saddened by the news."

Recognizing the name, I scrolled down and saw two more posts immediately below the first, both referencing the very recent passing of the same individual, a younger man with whom I had a friendly acquaintance.

That I'm busy and too often online is just part of the story. The truth is that I don't have that many friends (or that much family) who I want to follow on Facebook. I'm intense. I don't like just shooting the breeze. Barely socializing in real life, why would I want to socialize online?

Friendship for me is like falling in love. It is a fascination, an urge, a compulsion. With apologies to the old saying, by my definition you can't choose either your family or your friends.

Friendship, like love (the Greeks had five words for love, one specifically for friendship), requires deep sympathy, such that the chord sounding in your heart resonates the strings of mine.

Why would I want to have a relationship with someone with whom I have to finish my sentences? If you don't already understand (at least a little) what I am saying before I say it, then why am I talking to you?

Most of the people with whom I might like to spend time are busy and intense themselves. One of these would-be friends, G, is the fellow who recently opened his house to me when I had to move. Needing my own space I soon moved again, but G still invites me to come back and live with him. G is also the brother of the man who passed away last night.

I'm out of town, out of the country. The porch on which I was sitting when I read the sad news about G's brother was not mine. At that moment, my first impulse was to message G. But then I remembered the Talmud's advice, "You should not comfort someone when their dead is before them." So, I messaged Rabbi Daniel down there in San Miguel instead.

The Rabbi, who hadn't heard, responded with a short burst of question marks and exclamation points. It was early in the morning, an hour earlier in San Miguel than it is here, but I was surprise that he hadn't heard. I expect him to be all-knowing, if not like God, then like Mossad.

Two years ago, G and I helped the Rabbi bury two dismembered Jewish murder victims. We could not prepare (and thankfully did not have to view) those bodies. But a year ago we three washed and dressed the corpse of an elder member of our congregation, who passed away peacefully, and then buried him. I know that the Rabbi has everything in hand, but I wish that I were in town to help.

When I sat down on the back porch this morning to write my weekly column I had another theme in mind. But death puts everything into a different perspective, absolute, commanding.

G, if you read this, by the time you read this, the funeral will be over, attended by so many who knew and loved your brother. Now is the time, with tears in my eyes, to wish you comfort:

הַמָּקוֹם יְנַחֵם אֶתְכֶם בְּתוֹךְ שְׁאָר אֲבֵלֵי צִיּוֹן וִירוּשָׁלָיִם
Hamakom yinachem et-chem b'toch sh'ar avelei tzion v'yerushalayim.
May the Omnipresent comfort you among the remnant mourners of Zion and Jerusalem.

Abrazo.

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Dr. David Fialkoff presents Lokkal, our local social network, the community online and off, Atención robustly reborn for the digital age. If you can, please do contribute content, or your hard-earned cash, to support Lokkal, SMA's Voice. Use the orange, Paypal donate button below. Thank you.

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