by Dr. David Fialkoff, Editor / Publisher

I might say that I was returning the favor, but really the pleasure was all mine. I had been to Audrey Jacobs' house in San Antonio twice for Sabbath dinner, with her boyfriend Jorge Catalan and seven others in attendance, and now, last Friday night, she and Jorge were coming to mine.

Audrey moved to town a year ago from Southern California. Where, among many other things, she produced TEDx (four or five times each year), consulted corporately and directed a matchmaking service, regularly hosting 70 singles in her backyard.

I have sought a friendship with Jorge for years, or at least have been trying to involve him in Lokkal. I know that my project to create the People's Internet, a Digital Town Square in the public domain would be dear to his activist heart. When I lived in San Antonio (he lives a block away from Audrey), each time I saw him, passing in the street, I would pitch him on the idea. I would have given up, but it would be such a good fit and each time he enthusiastically agreed.

Jorge is already a true believer. A grassroots social reformer, he started Natura, the first health food store in San Miguel, and also (along with others) Mercado Sano. Only half-jokingly, I complain that Audrey had to move to San Miguel and fall in love with Jorge before I could spend time with him.

For dinner, since it's always better the next day, I made spaghetti sauce the day before (except for the zucchini and bell pepper that I put in at the last minute so they don't overcook).

My apartment was largely presentable. The cleaning lady and I having had a parting of ways a couple of months ago, I've been been keeping the place in order, with my phone slid into my breast pocket, sweeping and scrubbing weekly while conversing with friends: the bed made; the bathroom clean; the white ceramic tile floors all mopped.

But, as dinner time got close (Audrey suggested a window of 6-7:00), my kitchen, always hygienic, busy bachelor that I am, was still in need of some touching up. And I needed to shower.

Front view continued
*

I'm generally better at not making things worse (and still improving in that regard). Practically, I have discovered (Why didn't I think of that before?) easier ways of doing things (including sweeping the floor while speaking with friends in Connecticut). Psychologically, I'm pressurizing my life less. Most importantly, I have largely stopped playing the let-me-just-finish-this-block-of-work-before-I-stop game.

That approach is perfectly sound in principle, but I manage to pervert it to my own masochistic ends. The self-cruelty involves continuously expanding the block of work ("Just one more thing") instead of, for example, feeding myself or getting ready to go somewhere on time. Last Friday I should have left off preparing my Sunday magazine and finished leisurely sprucing up the place for Audrey and Jorge's arrival.

As it was, except for some unnecessary stressful hurry, it all turned out fine. With them arriving at the end of our one-hour window, right at 7:00, even my hair was dry.

Audrey took in my apartment: "It's really special that you have views front and back." Her social skills far surpassing my own (which really doesn't say much) and generally excited to be here, she was effervescent, bubbling over.

Jorge, by contrast, was placid and circumspect. Especially after my rush to get ready, his calm energy was like jumping into a pool of water on a hot day. He chuckled approvingly when, standing in my kitchen together, putting the finishing touches on the meal, I paused and took a deep, deliberate breath... slowly inhaling and exhaling, because a happy, more conscious cook makes a better meal.

We all have masculine and feminine sides. As a sexist generalization, I would say that feminine awareness is like a lantern, illuminating the whole scene, whereas masculine perception is like a spotlight, focused on specific details.

Certainly men converse differently, at least when we are by ourselves. And as the evening proceeded, in my conversation with Audrey I more than once fell back on a "masculine" solidarity that I felt with Jorge, appealing to his judgement. It was a rhetorical technique, a way of insinuating myself in their lovers' relationship.

Rear view
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Let me quickly add that Audrey is a very strong person, that we are very fond of each other, that we have published together (she's a great writer) and plan to work more together. And that, our working together more, was the main theme of the evening.

Audrey's professional accomplishments far outweigh Jorge's and mine put together. In SoCal she left behind a multi-faceted career where she was "larger than life," literally on stage and loving it. Here in San Miguel, she has slowed down and is taking the opportunity to reevaluate and resize her efforts. (She still has three kids in college.)

With her world-class hosting skills, Jorge's local guidance ("one of the most respected ethical business people in town") and her private casita, Audrey is already creating customized introductions, curated experiences, and personalized itineraries for people exploring life in San Miguel. And now, as she announced to me Friday night, and to the world via Facebook earlier in the day, she is launching (with a free inaugural event on July 7) Love in San Miguel, a social service, dating/matchmaking service that is not just for people looking for love, but "for people finding their people."

It's a great idea, which will serve a very pressing need, and Audrey, adapting her already successful California experience to San Miguel, will be great at it. But there, after the salad ("You put things in yours that I don't put in mine") and over my famous, better-than-your-Italian-grandmother's spaghetti, I pushed back, because that's what business people do and because I had something to add.

From an earlier discussion Audrey was already familiar and impressed with Lokkal's main mission:

"When I was practicing medicine in Connecticut, my patients got over their illnesses, which was great for them and their loved ones, but how did it help the planet? Your donation to a local charity pays for someone's house, tuition or medical bills, but how far does that goodness radiate? Among other things, Lokkal creates a non-profit advertising association that strengthens the entire local economy, preventing revenue from being extracted by globalist social media (Facebook, Instagram, Google...), keeping money circulating locally, blessing every hand through which it passes."

My emphasis Friday night was how perfect, with her formidable community outreach and prodigious capacity, Audrey would be as Lokkal's overall editor, our community doyenne; "Why limit yourself to helping one (albeit very important) subset of the community, when with Lokkal you can help the whole community?" And I took the opportunity of drawing Jorge more authoritatively into the conversation.

When Audrey conceded, "Jorge does encourage me to be more intentional, more activist," I very provocatively suggested, "If you took on this role, he would love you more." When I turned to Jorge and asked, "Audrey could do this?" Jorge replied, "Of course."

My takeaway is that Audrey could do whatever she wants. Just in the few days since she announced it, Love in San Miguel has gotten a huge response, with people applying from all over Mexico, the US and Canada.

In a very real, very organic way, Audrey and I are already working together. Her articles in Lokkal (see below) are full of insights. Then, Love in San Miguel facilitates on the personal level, what Lokkal fosters on the community level, belonging. My suspicion is that Love in San Miguel is only Audrey's first big step in town. If this is her "slowed down," I shudder to think of her at full speed. I expect that her larger-than-life tendencies and talents, her onstage presence will poco a poco come back into play and that Lokkal and the community as a whole will then benefit even more.

She is attracted to the idea, and so is Jorge. He's not just in favor of it for her, but has agreed to lend his name, very respected in the community, to Lokkal, and perhaps he will publish a story or two. Friday night he told a good one about a church in Chiapas where Coca Cola is the sacrament and....

Everything takes time in Mexico, and I'm not putting pressure on myself or anyone else. One big lesson I'm learning in regards to making life easier is how to take "Yes" for an answer.